Modern adoption
Modern adoption is not just an alternate path to a baby or becoming a parent. It’s a unique and complex type of parenthood. By being a lifelong learner of all things adoption, you can support the part of your child’s identity that comes from being adopted.
Before you start on this long and incredible journey, it’s important to understand the intricacies of modern adoption and what it means for adoptive parents. We’re with you every step of the way as you navigate this journey toward placement and beyond!
Before you start on this long and incredible journey, it’s important to understand the intricacies of modern adoption and what it means for adoptive parents. We’re with you every step of the way as you navigate this journey toward placement and beyond!
The adoption triad
At ASC, we follow the philosophy that adoption is based on a triad. It is a journey that birth moms, adopted people (”adoptees”) and adoptive parents all take in very different ways, and they each need different kinds of support.
The expectant mom
When women are considering placing a baby for adoption, it’s a very vulnerable time. She deserves honest answers, time and space to carefully consider all potential avenues for her baby. She also deserves support, counseling and the ability to make her decision without pressure or coercion.
The birth mom/birth family
Placing a child for adoption can be one of the hardest decisions a woman will ever make. It takes courage to choose an option that many people don’t understand. Whether she chooses to connect with her child in the short or long term, or she chooses to not be in connection, she deserves to be treated with honor and respect.
The adoptee
Adoption is an essential part of a child’s identity. As they grow, they’ll have difficult questions that can’t always be answered, face emotions they can’t always describe, and possibly seek a relationship with people who share their DNA or their cultural background. They deserve to know all the pieces of their story if they wish to.
The adoptive parents
Adoptive parents have embraced a unique type of parenting. They have committed themselves to being flexible and to frequently leave their comfort zone to best support their adopted child. From the very start of their adoption journey, they deserve the tools and resources to be lifelong learners.
LiFe as an adopted family
The modern adoptive family
Gone are the days when adoption was a taboo subject. Adopted children today grow up knowing that they were adopted, and it’s a comfortable conversation in their family. Their identity as an adopted person is an important part of their story, and it’s celebrated in the modern adoptive family.
The adopted child’s racial and cultural identity are also interwoven into their life. Some adoptive parents have committed to being a transracial family. They have been educated on the challenges of parenting a child of another race, and must make an effort to surround them with racial mirrors. These families accept uncomfortable situations so that their adoptee of a different race will be comfortable.
And perhaps most importantly, the adopted child’s birth family has an option of being a presence in the adoptive family’s life. They may see them every few months for picnics and shared pizza outings. Or they may even have an ongoing group text where they share messages and photos. Whatever the type of relationship or amount of contact they choose to have long-term, the birth family is an irreplaceable part of the triad, for life.
The adopted child’s racial and cultural identity are also interwoven into their life. Some adoptive parents have committed to being a transracial family. They have been educated on the challenges of parenting a child of another race, and must make an effort to surround them with racial mirrors. These families accept uncomfortable situations so that their adoptee of a different race will be comfortable.
And perhaps most importantly, the adopted child’s birth family has an option of being a presence in the adoptive family’s life. They may see them every few months for picnics and shared pizza outings. Or they may even have an ongoing group text where they share messages and photos. Whatever the type of relationship or amount of contact they choose to have long-term, the birth family is an irreplaceable part of the triad, for life.
More on expectant/birth moms
Understanding expectant moms
Even today, there are some damaging misunderstandings about the women who choose to place their children for adoption. The common image is of a young single woman who makes reckless decisions, and who wants to “give their baby away” because they don’t care what happens to them. Or they’re ashamed about their pregnancy and want to get rid of the “problem” by placing the child for adoption in secret.
The truth is much more complex. Expectant moms come in all ages, races, socioeconomic backgrounds and walks of life. Many expectant moms live in situations where raising a child would be a major challenge. They may face one or more of the following; a lack of stable or safe housing, no family support, loss of employment, poverty or abuse in a relationship, for example.
And there are many moms that don’t face these things at all. Some are excelling in life and are simply not emotionally ready to be a mother or never felt the pull to become one. Some considered abortion, or even went so far as to try the option of abortion but were too far along. Others don’t believe in abortion at all. Some women are in committed relationships with a lifelong partner, but their contraception failed.
Placing a child for adoption doesn’t show a lack of love or care. It simply means that at the time of birth, the expectant mom didn’t feel like she had the support, stability, resources or desire to raise a child. She chooses adoption so that her child can be raised by a family that’s emotionally and financially ready to care for a child right now.
The truth is much more complex. Expectant moms come in all ages, races, socioeconomic backgrounds and walks of life. Many expectant moms live in situations where raising a child would be a major challenge. They may face one or more of the following; a lack of stable or safe housing, no family support, loss of employment, poverty or abuse in a relationship, for example.
And there are many moms that don’t face these things at all. Some are excelling in life and are simply not emotionally ready to be a mother or never felt the pull to become one. Some considered abortion, or even went so far as to try the option of abortion but were too far along. Others don’t believe in abortion at all. Some women are in committed relationships with a lifelong partner, but their contraception failed.
Placing a child for adoption doesn’t show a lack of love or care. It simply means that at the time of birth, the expectant mom didn’t feel like she had the support, stability, resources or desire to raise a child. She chooses adoption so that her child can be raised by a family that’s emotionally and financially ready to care for a child right now.
The birth mom relationship
The relationship with your child’s birth mom
When ASC began almost 40 years ago, adoptions were referred to as either “open” or “closed.” In an “open adoption,” there was contact between the adoptive family and their child’s birth mom, whereas there was no contact in a “closed adoption.”
Open adoptions today aren’t black and white. There’s a spectrum of contact that you’ll agree upon with your child’s birth family. You might agree to text messages, video chats, sharing photos or in-person visits. You might agree upon all of these, some of these, or none of these. Your child’s birth mom may prefer to keep the adoption confidential and anonymous, and that’s fine too.
Every open adoption is unique. No adoption looks the same. Our team at ASC is here to support all three members of the triad, regardless of how much contact you agree upon.
Open adoptions today aren’t black and white. There’s a spectrum of contact that you’ll agree upon with your child’s birth family. You might agree to text messages, video chats, sharing photos or in-person visits. You might agree upon all of these, some of these, or none of these. Your child’s birth mom may prefer to keep the adoption confidential and anonymous, and that’s fine too.
Every open adoption is unique. No adoption looks the same. Our team at ASC is here to support all three members of the triad, regardless of how much contact you agree upon.
ASC has your back
Lifelong support from ASC
Unlike many adoptions in the past, modern adoption doesn’t end when a child is placed in your arms. It’s a journey, ASC is passionate about offering resources and educational opportunities. The caring team at ASC is always an email or phone call away. We’re here to help.
We offer unique support for each member of the adoption triad:
We offer unique support for each member of the adoption triad:
The birth mom
We connect the birth mom to support groups, free grief counseling, resources for trauma and other services. We plan activities to celebrate her along with other women who have placed their child for adoption.
The adoptee
We work with adoptees as they consider reunion with their birth families, as well as connect them to communities of people who share their heritage or adoption as their background.
The adoptive parents
We help adoptive parents navigate the relationship with their adopted child’s birth family, and point you toward grief counseling for infertility and other losses you may have experienced.